The case we walked in on, was a teenage boy whose shelter was closing and he was being moved to another shelter that was zoned to the high school he was attending. There are no licensed foster homes zoned to that school, CPS reported. The team of adults surrounding that teenager were so encouraging and uplifting to him. They, along with the judge, were telling him how proud they were of him, and what a great job he has done getting his first job. They said he found out the news that he was going to have to move just the night before, and that he was handling the very hard information very well. At that, I broke down crying. I tried to control myself, but I kept thinking, "WHERE ARE HIS PARENTS???!! He should not be doing this alone! He is a child. Doesn't anyone care? Where are his relatives? He needs a home, not an institution!" I was so proud of him, and so heart broken at the same time. I couldn't hold back the tears and had to leave the courtroom very quickly.
I went to the restroom and cried ugly sobs. Ugly. I cried for the pain he was enduring. The great loss he has already experienced. He had no parents, not even foster parents, to come home to every day after school. To tell his stories to, to have breakfast with, to make his lunches. He should not be going through life alone at 16.
I cried for 45 min. out in the courtroom lobby. I had composed myself a bit by that point, but the tears just kept coming. I found myself weeping for the other 2 teenagers who I saw filing out of the courtroom after the boy. One thrashing mad, and rightly so, and one quiet and indignant towards what was happening to her.
I thought of our little girl and how much I want to protect her from pain. How much more there is to do for kids in foster care. Who are there for absolutely no fault of their own. And yet they are the ones who suffer so much pain. My commitment to these kids and their cause was reaffirmed a thousand times over.
When it was time for her case, Phil came to get me. He said it was good for him to hear all of those cases. To be in that space. He admits it's sometimes hard for him to grasp the enormity and depravity of the system because his life is more compartmentalized than mine. And rightly so. He said at one point the judge proclaimed, "CPS is in crisis." There are too many cases, and not enough workers.
Her hearing was a routine status update to the court. We had already been told everything that would be shared, and there were no surprises, so it was considered a good hearing. It was over in 10 min and we quickly left.
Now we are just waiting. We really don't know which way her case is heading. She could go to her aunt, she could go to her grandma, who is second in line behind her aunt. She could stay with us. There is no way of knowing. As she gets older and calls us Mama and Dada, it gets harder everyday to think of saying good-bye. I still tear up when the thought crosses my mind, but I don't focus on it. I believe now more than ever that it is in her best interest to stay with our family. Her trauma would be greatly increased should our little girl leaves us after being with us for almost 17 months.
We tell the boys weekly that she could be going to her aunt. Noah gets really sad with that thought and tells her she can't go. He tells her how much he loves her and loves having a sister. He says she belongs here. I have to talk to him more one on one to help him understand that she still doesn't belong to us. We are still just her foster family and temporarily taking care of her. Ethan seems to intellectually grasp that concept a bit better. They know some facts about the case, because they are super smart kids and ask good questions and we share what we can.
We don't want to disrespect little girl's bio family to our boys, nor share too many adult details. If she does leave us, we want them to believe she is going to an equally wonderful home full of loving family members. We want them to grieve with hope, not despair, just as we will have to do.
We pray fervently that all parties involved have the courage to do what is right for her. We pray everyone involved, including her bio family, are fully aware of the depths and dimensions of childhood trauma and attachment. We have heard from CPS and her lawyer, and know the judge on the case, are all trauma informed. We hope the extent of that grows during her case. We have seen God work through the individuals involved and we praise Him for his faithfulness.
The next routine hearing is scheduled for May. We are sincerely hoping a resolution has been reached by then. What that means is that once the home study is completed on the aunt (this is a second home study, the first one completed was not the one they needed), that CPS and little girl's lawyer reach an agreement about what is in the child's best interest. If they agree it is the aunt, little girl will leave our home within 30 days of that decision. If they agree she should stay with us, she stays and they must complete a home study on the grandma. If CPS and the lawyer disagree, the case goes before the judge to decide.
It's a lot to process and digest. I am sure I have left you with more questions than answers. We know not everyone is made for this emotional rollercoaster. What seems death defyingly scary to some, seems purposeful and somehow natural to others. We don't believe everyone is called to be foster parents. But, we do believe we can all care for foster children. For me, having little girl in our home is just the start of me giving back to God for all he has done for me. I thank God he has entrusted us with this great responsibility.
