That says (paraphrased), "We've scheduled a meeting with the bio family in question to discuss the home study and direction of this case. All decision makers will be there and we would like you to attend. It's in less than 2 weeks."
My heart is racing. I've never met this family before and here we go...
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Adoption Update, it's about time!
I profusely apologize for having taken so long updating this blog. I kept thinking, I'll have bigger news to share, but as the days pass it seems we are still in the same place. Of course, looking back at the last post, I know we have come a long way.
At the end of July, baby girl's parents were taken to Mediation in lieu of going to trial. Both parents relinquished their rights that day. When I heard the news, I sobbed for hours. I just sat on the floor with baby girl and watched her laugh and crawl and my heart ached for her, her parents, and her biological family who will never know the joy she brings. I ended up crying off and on for days.
It was unimaginable how parents who have met her, and held her could choose to never see her again. There are so many negative things we could say about her parents, but we believe a part of their hearts was stripped away when they signed away baby girl. I have been told the decision was easier for these parents because they knew me and were happy to have her be with our family. That made me cry harder. In many ways I feel so unworthy of the gift of this precious girl. My heart feels this unspoken communication between her mom and me. That somehow she is saying she trusts me and knows we will love baby girl deeply and forever. I have to believe her mother thought of baby girl and not just herself when she made that final decision.
The next bit of news came when we learned her father requested, at the time he relinquished his rights, for some of his family to be considered as a permanent home for baby girl. It took 3 months for a home study to be completed on them, due to the bio family's hold ups. It was excruciating to wait. Technically a home study can be expedited, and should have been in this case, and only taken a month. As baby girl gets older, we all get more attached. She more than any of us. A court hearing came and went during that time, and baby girl's stay with us as a foster child was been extended.
I had chosen to not attend any hearings up to that point. But now that the case is moving in a different direction, I wanted to hear for myself what happens in court and meet the judge. Attending her hearing was eye opening, to say the least. I saw just how big the world of CPS is. The number of kids talked about in that court, on that day, in the short amount of time I was there was mind boggling. And, that happens every day, all week. All of those sweet children who have been harmed for no reason of their own. I sat quietly and prayed for each one mentioned. My heart was full when I heard baby girl's lawyer and CPS state multiple times that they believe it it is in her best interest to stay in her current home. They said they will consider the family, but will equally weigh what is in the child's best interest, and again they agreed it was in her best interest to stay with us permanently. I then was introduced to the judge, which was short and sweet. I didn't realize how much I needed to see this part of her story so that I can attempt to more fully understand the system in which she is coming through.
It was good talking to baby girl's lawyer before the court hearing. She said that people think the hardest part is when you first accept a child into your home. All the unknowns. But she has seen the hardest part for foster families is the end. The endless waiting. The hurry up to the next step and wait some more. I completely agree.
A month passed, and we then heard that her case was officially moving to Adoption within CPS. There is lots and lots of paperwork involved in that process, and given the sheer volume of cases, we understood why it took so long, though it didn't make the waiting easier. This was a huge step forward in providing her a permanent home. At that point in time, she had been with us 13 months. She is very much our family.
I had the pleasure of meeting our Adoption case worker a few weeks ago. Her first words of greeting were, "So, this case just got complicated." Apparently there was a technicality in the wording of the Mediation report concerning the home study completed on the bio family. She explained, we are now looking at an addition 3-6 months of waiting until baby girl can be permanently adopted. Our caseworker is going to try hard to see if the parties involved in the decision making can agree that it is 'in the child's best interest' to stay with us, and circumvent the extra time, work, and heartache involved in fixing that oversight. Talk about a blow to our timeline. The waiting continues.
At this point, we honestly are starting to feel a bit weary. We are definitely not throwing a pity party for ourselves by any means, but we are now 14 months into fostering and we are missing some things we previously took for granted. We see our friends being able to, what we consider, 'move about life freely' and we can easily become envious of their freedom.
Namely, we are missing the convenience of being able to hire a babysitter to watch our kids. Any one who watches foster kiddos in the state of Texas has to be certified through a particular agency to watch kids within that agency. There is no 'sharing of babysitters' between agencies.
We have a few family members out of town and 3 friends in town who have taken that big step for us, and we are very grateful for the times they have watched our kiddos, planned and in an emergency.
But, to be able to ring up a paid sitter for an event or a date night is not an option. Or if we hear of an event and think, oh I'd like to go to that, we have to just as quickly push that thought aside. We feel more tied to our kids and home than ever before. We have found deeper joy in being together as a family since the possibility of being apart is very limited, but we do miss having our alone time as a couple and the connection that comes from giving each other our undivided attention.
I just want to be real here. Please just know I am sharing our reality within fostering. I'm not complaining, as we knew the parameters when we signed up, but in living it out, it can be hard and trying. We would not change a single decision we have made. Our marriage is stronger because of our commitment together, and our kids are better for all of this as well. We gladly sacrifice for baby girl and hold fast that our sacrifice will reap great rewards for her.
Thanks for following us on our journey!
At the end of July, baby girl's parents were taken to Mediation in lieu of going to trial. Both parents relinquished their rights that day. When I heard the news, I sobbed for hours. I just sat on the floor with baby girl and watched her laugh and crawl and my heart ached for her, her parents, and her biological family who will never know the joy she brings. I ended up crying off and on for days.
It was unimaginable how parents who have met her, and held her could choose to never see her again. There are so many negative things we could say about her parents, but we believe a part of their hearts was stripped away when they signed away baby girl. I have been told the decision was easier for these parents because they knew me and were happy to have her be with our family. That made me cry harder. In many ways I feel so unworthy of the gift of this precious girl. My heart feels this unspoken communication between her mom and me. That somehow she is saying she trusts me and knows we will love baby girl deeply and forever. I have to believe her mother thought of baby girl and not just herself when she made that final decision.
The next bit of news came when we learned her father requested, at the time he relinquished his rights, for some of his family to be considered as a permanent home for baby girl. It took 3 months for a home study to be completed on them, due to the bio family's hold ups. It was excruciating to wait. Technically a home study can be expedited, and should have been in this case, and only taken a month. As baby girl gets older, we all get more attached. She more than any of us. A court hearing came and went during that time, and baby girl's stay with us as a foster child was been extended.
I had chosen to not attend any hearings up to that point. But now that the case is moving in a different direction, I wanted to hear for myself what happens in court and meet the judge. Attending her hearing was eye opening, to say the least. I saw just how big the world of CPS is. The number of kids talked about in that court, on that day, in the short amount of time I was there was mind boggling. And, that happens every day, all week. All of those sweet children who have been harmed for no reason of their own. I sat quietly and prayed for each one mentioned. My heart was full when I heard baby girl's lawyer and CPS state multiple times that they believe it it is in her best interest to stay in her current home. They said they will consider the family, but will equally weigh what is in the child's best interest, and again they agreed it was in her best interest to stay with us permanently. I then was introduced to the judge, which was short and sweet. I didn't realize how much I needed to see this part of her story so that I can attempt to more fully understand the system in which she is coming through.
It was good talking to baby girl's lawyer before the court hearing. She said that people think the hardest part is when you first accept a child into your home. All the unknowns. But she has seen the hardest part for foster families is the end. The endless waiting. The hurry up to the next step and wait some more. I completely agree.
A month passed, and we then heard that her case was officially moving to Adoption within CPS. There is lots and lots of paperwork involved in that process, and given the sheer volume of cases, we understood why it took so long, though it didn't make the waiting easier. This was a huge step forward in providing her a permanent home. At that point in time, she had been with us 13 months. She is very much our family.
I had the pleasure of meeting our Adoption case worker a few weeks ago. Her first words of greeting were, "So, this case just got complicated." Apparently there was a technicality in the wording of the Mediation report concerning the home study completed on the bio family. She explained, we are now looking at an addition 3-6 months of waiting until baby girl can be permanently adopted. Our caseworker is going to try hard to see if the parties involved in the decision making can agree that it is 'in the child's best interest' to stay with us, and circumvent the extra time, work, and heartache involved in fixing that oversight. Talk about a blow to our timeline. The waiting continues.
At this point, we honestly are starting to feel a bit weary. We are definitely not throwing a pity party for ourselves by any means, but we are now 14 months into fostering and we are missing some things we previously took for granted. We see our friends being able to, what we consider, 'move about life freely' and we can easily become envious of their freedom.
Namely, we are missing the convenience of being able to hire a babysitter to watch our kids. Any one who watches foster kiddos in the state of Texas has to be certified through a particular agency to watch kids within that agency. There is no 'sharing of babysitters' between agencies.
We have a few family members out of town and 3 friends in town who have taken that big step for us, and we are very grateful for the times they have watched our kiddos, planned and in an emergency.
But, to be able to ring up a paid sitter for an event or a date night is not an option. Or if we hear of an event and think, oh I'd like to go to that, we have to just as quickly push that thought aside. We feel more tied to our kids and home than ever before. We have found deeper joy in being together as a family since the possibility of being apart is very limited, but we do miss having our alone time as a couple and the connection that comes from giving each other our undivided attention.
I just want to be real here. Please just know I am sharing our reality within fostering. I'm not complaining, as we knew the parameters when we signed up, but in living it out, it can be hard and trying. We would not change a single decision we have made. Our marriage is stronger because of our commitment together, and our kids are better for all of this as well. We gladly sacrifice for baby girl and hold fast that our sacrifice will reap great rewards for her.
Thanks for following us on our journey!
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