Surrendered to Hope

We thought for a long time about what to title our blog.  It's actually the element that held us up from starting it sooner.  A few weeks ago, our pastor Matt preached as sermon that struck me and surrendered to hope was born out of that.  It is heart wrenching to hold baby girl and not know her future.  I pray for her like I have never prayed for my own children.  I pray that her path leads to knowing Jesus, that she knows He has a plan for her (Jeremiah 29:11), that her body and soul are protected from future harm, but that if harm comes, true healing and safety come quickly after.  I pray she remembers us in some way and comes back us if she ever needs someone to love her.  Then there are times I just don't know what to pray.  I just hold her and praise God for the gift of time with her and the plans he has for her.

Our peace comes when we surrender to the hope we have in Jesus Christ.  Our strength comes from God's word; Deut. 31: 6 says, "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."  We could easily give into fear and decide not to foster.  We could say, "our hearts would break if we have to give her back and not know her future, so we'd rather protect our hearts and not open our home to kids in need."  We hear that a lot from well meaning people.  Or, we can believe that God wants us to be strong and courageous in the face of evil and suffering.  To not shrink back in fear, but to move forward in love and hope.  I have always clung to Isaiah 41:10, " So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

We could make fostering on so many levels about us.  How we feel, how we would handle things, how we like our comfort and don't do well with the unknowns in life.  But, we have chosen to surrender our hearts to the hope we have in Him for the children he places in our care.  God loves them so much more than we ever could.  He knows what is best for them because He is the only One who sees the beginning and end at the same time.  We do not believe just because we are a white affluent Christian family that we are the best place for any child.  God calls people to himself in every household, in every tribe, and every nation.  We pray baby girl is presented with the truth of the Gospel at a young age and believes.  We know Jesus Christ calls every man to himself, and it is up to them to believe, and that includes our little one.  Please join us in praying she places her faith in Jesus Christ and experiences true healing.

Caring Family Network

Another important question we are asked is, "What agency are you with?"  We LOVE talking about our agency, Caring Family Network.  

We know our transition into fostering would not have been as smooth if it wasn't for them.  Throughout the process of certification, they were always available to answer any questions or concerns we had, and we had quite a few.  They always answered emails within 24 hours, and would call if they felt it was better to answer over the phone.  We never felt pressured to choose a certain age group, medical needs etc.  They even supported our decision at first to only offer respite and encouraged us to do that a few months.  No rush.  Even the calls from the intake case worker were no pressure.  We didn't feel guilted at all into a decision.  

It feels like we have friends surrounding us.

At placement, our assigned case manager stayed with me the entire time at the hospital, from 5pm-8:45pm until baby girl was released and then followed me home to finish the placement paperwork at 9pm.  She then called me the next morning to see how the first night went and if I needed anything.  I get a 'check in' call weekly from her and a monthly visit.  I know that if I need absolutely anything, I can count on her, or anyone at the agency, to help.  They are so gracious and understanding when I don't sometimes have all the paperwork required to turn in at each monthly visit (I'm still learning!).

My mom became certified to offer respite for us, and they helped her go through that process very smoothly.  One of baby girl's NICU nurses also wanted to keep in contact with her, and became a respite provider for us as well.  Our agency was amazing, and helped her complete the process in a mind blowing 2 weeks!  

We knew we made the right choice in our agency.  All of that was further confirmed around the holidays.  They threw a beautiful, not over the top, Christmas party at a local church where they bought gifts for not only baby girl, but our boys as well.  It was so sweet to see how they honored the bio kids and their service to the foster kids in their home.  The boys felt such excitement and pride in being baby girl's big brothers.  Then, a week before Christmas I received an email saying CFN had received more presents, enough for EVERY kid in our home to get 2 presents!  Just come and pick them out!  It was so extremely helpful financially and emotionally to be loved on that much.  They could have easily stored those for another occasion or event, but they blessed their families in return.  

A super cool thing is both boys were able to get things they were specifically asking for.  Noah got a box of muscle car matchbox cars and Ethan a Batman lego set.  Those are exactly the presents they had asked us for.  While our agency is not a 'Christian' agency, we know God is working in and through them to impact His children.

CPS was pretty remarkable as well. Whatever negative I have heard about CPS, I have yet to experience it myself.  Everyone I have interacted with are extremely respectful, kind and want what is best for baby girl.  CPS even provided a TRASH BAG full of gifts for baby girl.  While she certainly didn't need that, I love the idea of older kids, who are aware, would know that someone is thinking of them and wanting them to feel loved and cared for over the holidays.  We were asked to turn in a wish list to CPS for baby girl, but they took it and completely went above and beyond.

Baby Girl

As most of you know, we cannot post the name of our baby girl, nor any concrete details surrounding her placement.  This is a public blog and we have to protect her and us.  Sorry if the term 'baby girl' gets annoying to read.  

On that Thursday I was browsing IKEA just for fun.  Both boys were in school and I had not actually taken a day to just hang out shopping around by myself.  It felt so relaxing.  I wasn't thinking about fostering, just enjoying a bit of a break in the day.  Then, while walking through the dining section, our intake coordinator called me.  Thankfully I had a comfy place to sit while he explained the situation and sent over the confidential docs concerning baby girl.  By God's design, Phil had already started working from home and he was able to be on the phone with me as we quickly read her diagnosis and immediate future medical needs.  You really have to consider all of these things carefully because a placement now could mean adoption later on.

Maybe out of desperation to actually do this foster parent thing, and without any fear in our hearts about extra medical conditions, we said YES!  Later we would learn that we were hand selected for baby girl because (1) I stay at home and she could not be placed directly into a childcare situation and (2) we live close to where visitations would take place.

To say we were thrilled would not be appropriate.  Our hearts were broken for a baby who was not going home to her mom and dad.  All we wanted to do was hold her and provide for her every need.  It was very surreal.  After all of the emergency placement calls, we had equipped ourselves a bit better to be ready for a baby and I had all weekend to collect more things.  Friends were so gracious to give an entire 0-12 month wardrobe for her along with a Boppy, bath tub etc.

I met baby girl Friday night, roomed in with her at the hospital Sunday night, and she came to us on Tuesday.  Miraculously and against all the doctor's prior prognosis, she did not have to come home on the pulse ox monitor, though she did require around the clock meds.

Placement was a bit of a whirlwind.  So many people come to see the child in your home in the first 3 weeks; CPS, our caseworker, her attorney, social workers associated with the attorney.  I appreciated their attention and learned a lot through my interaction with them.  Medical appts were scheduled at one per week and meds were procured.  It was a busy month adjusting and learning what it means to have a 'ward of the state' living in your home.  More on that in a future post.

Unpacking

There's so much to share, so much that we are asked and want to use this space to answer.  I guess we'll move right into placement and the path laid out for us, that led us to baby girl being placed in our home.  There were a lot of ups and downs until she came.

On the last post I mentioned we were getting on a plan to head to Germany for a week long vacation/conference, just me and Phil.  While we were walking down the aisle to take our seats, I reached into my purse to turn off my phone.  At that exact moment, my phone rang.  It was our agency asking if we would consider taking a 2 1/2 yr. old boy in Bastrop.  I explained we were getting on a plane for a trip, but would be willing to consider it.  He proceeded to tell me a bit about the boy and his situation, and I committed to get back to him when we landed.  I switched the phone off, shared the news with Phil and started to cry.

My heart broke for that sweet boy.  I prayed for him, his family, his current foster family and us.  We knew right then that we were not just going to respite care, we were ready to be all in.  

We landed in Frankfurt and I emailed our intake manager and said we needed to know more.  We were willing to accept the boy upon our return, but his visitations were twice a week in Bastrop and we just couldn't make that work. (Bastrop is about 40 min. away from us.)

Ok, so that phone call was over, we vacation a few days, and while in Rothenburg, I get a call for a 5 week old baby.  Again, tears well up in my eyes.  We heard the story and said yes, we would take her.  We then got a message back that a family who had provided respite care for her offered to take her, so we weren't needed.  We all agreed no more phone calls about placements while on vacation.  What a roller coaster!  We had a wonderful trip (LOVE Freiburg, Germany!) and we returned anxious to foster.

Our first week back, and we hopped on the roller coaster again.  While Ethan was at his piano lesson, I was sitting in the car with Noah, who fell asleep on the way to piano.  I received our first emergency placement call.  All we were told was a family of four was being removed from their home in Round Rock and there was a 3 year old girl and a 6 month old girl.  Would we take one or both within the next 2 hours?  My heart was racing.  And then I started crying as I thought about what those kids might be experiencing.  I immediately said yes, we would take the 6 month old.  We were to await a future phone call.

We were not called back for that placement.  We received another emergency placement call the next day, this time for a 1 year old girl who didn't talk.  She would need extensive therapy.  We said yes, but did not get a call back.  We later learned that is a total scrambling game trying to find homes for emergency placements.  Ideally, CPS wants siblings to stay together and we never quite know what other agencies and families are being contacted and what combination of kiddos other homes can take.

Our hearts were saddened that we weren't chosen for those kiddos.  We were so ready to serve!  A few weeks passed and we started wondering if we weren't really needed as foster parents.  Had we done all of this for nothing?  Did we choose the wrong age category?  Did we say something wrong in those emergency placement calls?  Then on a Thursday, we were contacted about a precious baby girl in the NICU with medical needs.  

Where to Start

Welcome to our new blog!  We created this so that others can follow along as we foster kiddos in need.  There are so many thoughts, emotions, and to-dos that occur within a foster family and this blog will help us process through those things, as well as have a family record of our experience.  So, let's jump in!

A few nights ago we held an informal gathering at our home with fellow Grace Covenant Church members to talk about fostering.  We were given the chance to share our own story as well as hear from those who are foster parents themselves and those who are considering fostering.  It was great to look back at the beginning.

My husband, Phil, and I took the initial steps to become foster parents back in 2010.  We had a chubby, loud, and fun 1 year old (almost 2) biological son and felt like we had the time and space to help a baby in need.  We weren't necessarily wanting to expand our family, just care for children.  We felt like, "well we survived the first year, we can do it again."  We attended the CPS intro course and were completely overwhelmed.  We started investigating fostering agencies when we found out I was pregnant with our second son.  Fostering took a back seat as we focused on Noah, who would eventually be born prematurely at 31 weeks and require a 4 week NICU stay.

Fast forward to 2013.  Both boys sleep very soundly through the night and Phil and I feel slightly more out of the parenting fog and start talking about fostering in passing conversations.  In February 2014 I had the honor of hosting an IF: Local gathering in my home with friends from church.  (IF: Local is part of IF: Gathering, you should definitely check it out!).  During that event, I was challenged that If God is Real, then what?  What is he calling me to do right now?  It was a very memorable, sweet time with friends as we silently and outwardly wrestled with what was stirring in our hearts.  For me, it was fostering.  I had been earnestly thinking about it for a few months prior to the event, but that weekend it became perfectly clear that we as a family needed to move forward, despite our fears and apprehensions.  Phil returned home Sunday night and quickly agreed.

We asked some trusted friends in church for agency recommendations and chose Caring Family Network.  I should set the stage that through all of this there was such perfect peace for both of us.  There were questions, fears, lots and lots of unknowns.  Lots of conversations that were, 'are we really doing this?'.  But underneath it all was truly a peace that surpasses all understanding.

April 2014 we turned in our application and started our trainings.  It took months for us to complete all the requirements of turning our home into what we call a 'state home'.  Nothing was as over the top as we feared; magnetic locks installed, fire extinguisher bought, smoke detectors in every room, carbon monoxide detector etc.  There was more paperwork, background checks, and trainings.  Each step gave us the chance to confirm in our hearts and minds that we were really doing this.

September 2014 everything is complete and we were officially licensed as a foster family!  We already had a trip to Germany planned, where Phil would be speaking at a conference.  We would start accepting children once we returned.  We knew this was our last carefree vacation for a while.